roller coaster

I just finished revising part of poa.

Getting ready for tomorrow poa test.

After I type finish this entry,

I will do my maths.

I want to torture myself.

To see whether my heart is cold or warm.

I don't know. I just know that torturing myself is the only way for me to strive myself.

Just now almost faint. But luckily I did not.

Just that suddenly my eyes are blurred.

My head is dizzy.

I felt like the world is spinning

DOn't care, I still forced myself not to rest, and study my head off

Mood swings here and there.

Emotions that twirl like a roller coaster.

I thought of him again.

I was so foolish I guess.

Tears streaming down my cheeks.

Despite verdell's lecture.

I still am reluctant.

I still can't get him off my mind

I guess he should be very happy now without me as a burden to him

Happy with his life.

While I am here suffering on my own. But in my own opinion,

I guess its worth it?

Now I just have to bury myself in stuffs, books, giving me no room to think of other things.

Tire myself, so that I wont have the strength to think.

Fake a smile so that ppl wont be worried for me, esp my buds.

Putting up a brave front,

to show that I am not easily defeated by this setback.

But I dont know how long it can last.

I feel like I dying some sort.

Putting my health at a risk.

Seeing myself growing thinner everyday. I guess by now, i should be severely underweight

Yet I still dont want to eat more.

Haha.

My eyelids are heavy siia.

I am going to doze off soon,

Gonna brew myself a cup of coffee.